too many times have i been questioning myself , lately .
thinking about death ...
it scares me but put me at ease at times too .
now , i dont know where i'll be if i was going to die now ,
where i'll end up with .
honestly, i dont know .
i guess i have not fully done enough yet on this earth .
I'm human and i make mistakes ,
sometimes stupid , sometimes sinful.
but i dont know whether my good deeds are enough to put me into Heaven itself,
im scared , because i might end up in some place horrible .
im scared because i have heard from my Ustazah that many events will occur that will happen when im six feet down in earth and when im on the 'journey' to the clouds .
im not ready .
thats all i keep thinking .
but i can't stop thinking about it .
every night , i cry . scared of what might happen to me .
i dont know why
i know its way to early in the face of life i am still in now ,
but death comes to all faces of life .
anyone of any age dies
accidental death , in illness , suicidal death , disaster death
all sorts of death happens to many people .
so death to me its scary , but its beautiful too .
