chapter twenty nine ; when your own mother tongue becomes a foreign language . @ 2:14:00 AM
i should really stop acting .
i dont know .
i guess im lying to myself quite often now .
making myself believe that its true when its not .
like when i think im over a guy , when im not .
its never was easy to be truthful especially with yourself and you know the darn freaking truth .
for once , all i know is i picked the wrong friends to be with
and suffering the consequences alone .
but im still alive , breathing and running along the path of broken glasses with no shoes .
sometimes , we have to accept what we have done in life in order to move on to another .
sometimes, sacrifices are made to move on .
but never ever make stupid decisions where you will regret in the end .
we have to forgive and forget .
we have to adapt to changes around us .
we have to appreciate what we have in life than to complain what we dont have .
sometimes , to be honest , i feel really lost in this huge blue and green planet .
i feel lost in Singapore itself .
i feel lost in my own foreign identity
its embarassing to know that you are a Chinese , Malay , Indian or Eurasian ,
and you dont even know how to speak your own mother tongue .
im being pressured because my N lvl oral is nxt monday and i have no idea what to say .
my teacher is already pissed off with me when i was having practice conversation with him .
he told me i give up easily , but i dont ,
its just my brain is not good in translating english to malay that fast .
i almost wanted to bang my head on the wall beside me .
grr .
yes , im embarassed .
Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope.
- Tom Head