chapter eighty nine; feeling at loss. @ 5:31:00 AM
have you ever feel like no one is really there for you?
have you ever feel like everyone is just letting you down, no matter how many times you don't let them down?
have you ever feel lost in the real world and just feel like escaping from everything?
to be honest, i've been feeling lost nowadays.
I guess that's why I've been losing weight and not getting enough rest.
The reason to why I keep escaping to my KPOP world but in the end get backlash more than usual.
The reason why I keep quiet and tend to show my unhappiness to the world but get worse everytime.
I don't know what is right from wrong already.
Everything I do, good or bad, seems to be wrong all the time.
Why does my mum keeps screaming at me for the little things I never do or I have already done but it was messed up before she comes home.
I really have no idea how to deal with anything now.
I feel like I need to do something but when I think it over, I don't want to do it.
Why? I don't really know.
The truth why I keep escaping into the Kpop world, is because the pressure of life is too much for me.
My friends call me kpop freak or crazy or whatsoever.
I would just smile, and nod in agreement but do they really know how i feel?
Do they know the reason to why I'm in love with kpop and all.
People love certain things with their own reasons.
Mine is different and loving kpop have many reasons to why im addicted.
I dont babble much about kpop in school.
I try to avoid being a freak or anything. But i'm still am.
I really don't know what to do.
No one really doesn't know how I feel.
The reason to why I'm babbling here,
is because I can't babble to anyone outside.
Who would bother listening to me?
Who would be there to comfort me when I start to breakdown from reality.
No one will be there for me.
Not even my parents.
They even dont respect what I love.
They just what me to follow their exceptions.
Trying not to do anything harmful or sinful to myself,
I turn to my love for Kpop music.
But ... I know deep inside that I will need someone to look up to and to comfort me.
But I know no one is going to be there.
And when I need to person, he or she will not be able to make it in time to comfort me.
Right?
Being selfish now,
maybe I should just shut the fuck up and escape to my Kpop world again.
