SHINee ♥

ONEW ★ TAEMIN ★ JONGHYUN ★ MINHO ★ KEY
Hello Hello,
Nareumdaero yonggil naesseoyo ( I brought up all my courage this time )
Hello, Hello
Jamshiyaegi hallaeyo ( Can I talk to you for a moment ? )
Hello, Hello
Naega jom seodooljin mollado ( I may be rushing in my words a bit )
Who knows? Eojjeom oorin ( Who knows ? We might )
Jal dwaeljido molla (End up doing well )

Its been quite a while since I last updated my blog.
Well, here i am updating it since I have the time to.
things have been spiralling down for me.

i really thought things would go well but i have been falling sick day by day.
firstly, my kidney is almost at the edge of failing me. why? its my fault, i have to say. yeah, of course, who else who have diabetes except me right? typical me would just ignore my own condition and go on, but I really didn't give the thought it would happen so fast. *shrugs* my fault to blame. but im still alive and breathing.

second, i have water in my lungs. i have been coughing for the past two months and it never healed. or go away for that matter. the coughs got real bad and worse. I thought it was asthma but doctor told me it is something like pneunomia. i think thats how you spell it. either way, im still coughing and its not getting better.

thirdly, im away for the holiday now, but the thing is, its not an entirely fun holiday. Raudha, my second youngest sister have totally changed. I feel so outcasted whenever she starts laughing and cracking jokes with Khai and Shukor, who are my dad's colleagues but we treat them like our own brothers. well, the thing is, they have no idea how i feel. Raudha have changed. Into a more cold and heartless person.

I don't even recognise my own sister anymore. Is it because both of us are taking O levels together? probably. But still...I miss the old her. I really do. whenever i need a friend, i would always find her. but now, its even harder to start a topic without getting her growling and snarling at me.

life is hard too. nothing seems to be helping me. am i at the verge of failing my own self? i dont know. my parents doesn't seem to always be there. i would always end up being alone. why? Is God trying to tell me something?

샤이니 ★ SHINee

okay. its been a long time since i have blog.

샤이니 ★ SHINee

Omo..
its been a long time since I blog. Soo...
ANNYEONG!
kekekeke~! I'm back. School have been killing the hell outta me, so I couldn't find the time to blog. The worse thing is that as the days gone by, so is O levels, which are drawing near. Its already February and almost the end of it. The third week of March is already March holidays.

Fast eh? Yeah. I know. There is a sudden downpour here at my place. My grandparents are here too for visiting. My aunt and my cousin will be dropping by later to visit after my cousin's checkup at KKH.

I've been well...i don't know whether to say I've been doing good or not. Really, I'm more in between. Things have been coming at me and I have been able to dodge some really well.
Like the sudden move to Bukit Timah for one night every week and then staying back here in Marine Parade. No, my parent's are not divorced. My dad is working in a government area where there are 3 schools and a boys' town. So there is a dormitory there for the students and staff. Let's say my dad is a staff and we have a second home there now.

Things in school. Has been great lately. I've opened up to my other classmates and found out that some of them are not bad at all. They are nice and generous souls. HAHA. the good thing about mingling around and not sticking with the same group of people.

I feel that staying with the same group of people can be boring. Like everyone knows each other so well and then there is nothing much to say. And every thing you do, you will have fears of them finding out and also wondering if your friendship is on edge or not. Pfft~! I prefer mixing around than sticking to one.

I have been busy with fanfics too. My fanfics aka fictional stories of my main character and my favourite idols are becoming popular over the Fanfic website I joined. People are craving for more and I'm scratching my brains out for more interesting ideas.

HAHAHA! Other than that, yes. I have just changed my blogskin to my favourite boy group. SHINee!!! haha. LOL! okay, before I start to get all fangirl and Kpop and all, lets put a fullstop there.

HAHA! anyways, I'm hoping that maybe I might be able to blog soon. I always have the urge to blog but I always end up being busy on other sites. Bleuk~! I suck, I know.

Wonder how are my friends doing? Hmm...

샤이니 ★ SHINee

have you ever feel like no one is really there for you?
have you ever feel like everyone is just letting you down, no matter how many times you don't let them down?
have you ever feel lost in the real world and just feel like escaping from everything?

to be honest, i've been feeling lost nowadays.
I guess that's why I've been losing weight and not getting enough rest.
The reason to why I keep escaping to my KPOP world but in the end get backlash more than usual.
The reason why I keep quiet and tend to show my unhappiness to the world but get worse everytime.

I don't know what is right from wrong already.
Everything I do, good or bad, seems to be wrong all the time.
Why does my mum keeps screaming at me for the little things I never do or I have already done but it was messed up before she comes home.
I really have no idea how to deal with anything now.
I feel like I need to do something but when I think it over, I don't want to do it.

Why? I don't really know.
The truth why I keep escaping into the Kpop world, is because the pressure of life is too much for me.
My friends call me kpop freak or crazy or whatsoever.
I would just smile, and nod in agreement but do they really know how i feel?
Do they know the reason to why I'm in love with kpop and all.

People love certain things with their own reasons.
Mine is different and loving kpop have many reasons to why im addicted.
I dont babble much about kpop in school.
I try to avoid being a freak or anything. But i'm still am.
I really don't know what to do.
No one really doesn't know how I feel.

The reason to why I'm babbling here,
is because I can't babble to anyone outside.
Who would bother listening to me?
Who would be there to comfort me when I start to breakdown from reality.
No one will be there for me.
Not even my parents.
They even dont respect what I love.
They just what me to follow their exceptions.

Trying not to do anything harmful or sinful to myself,
I turn to my love for Kpop music.
But ... I know deep inside that I will need someone to look up to and to comfort me.
But I know no one is going to be there.
And when I need to person, he or she will not be able to make it in time to comfort me.
Right?

Being selfish now,
maybe I should just shut the fuck up and escape to my Kpop world again.

샤이니 ★ SHINee

okay , to be honest , i have no idea what is up with the title , but i just want to put it there because i saw it on tumblr and reblog it and i thought it would be nice having it as the title.

anyways back to my life.

its only the second week of school as things are already falling on to me.
I thought i was going to die from a huge avalanche of homework, letters, important dates and so on and forth.
but i'm still surviving. (hello people!)
and i'm proving that i'm the type you can get rid easily.

been studying and connecting back my brain cells in and out of school.
been getting hyper because of KPOP. ( wait , to be honest, because of SHINee! )
been losing weight ever since school starts.

during our second P.E lesson , we ran two rounds and had to do like 50 seconds of push ups. and then we run one more round again.
it was good though, my muscles needed something to do anyways.
so the pull and stretch of my muscles are working ( thank God ! )

and the teachers in school have always been the same.
nothing much change there.
except there were some instances where I want to participate in something but I know I will give up and put it to rest somewhere.

been obssessed with my first fan fictional story of SHINee.
and receiving many love and support from fellow writers and readers.
been wanting to continue the sequel but something is wrong with the website. so i think i'll try to continue tomorrow.

right now, all i have in front of me are books , calling my name .
i really wish not to entertain them but ....
Os are this year and i was freaked out by my friends reaction when they saw their Os results.
so I hope less distraction and more work .
^^

also hoping to lower down my blood sugars, it was still high when i went to the doctor.
thank God it was a new doctor , and he actually encourage me well.
so I'm following up his orders until the next appointment in two months time.

blah blah blah blah ..
i really feel like spamming about SHINee and KPOP but I know you guys wont entertain.
anyways, have to limit distractions so bye bye computer.

샤이니 ★ SHINee

phew ...
i have finally decided which course i wanna take in poly next year .
but this year , im going to study twice or triple times more than last year .
i wanna try get at least 12 points for O levels ...

yesterday was the last day for poly open house .
i only went to two poly yesterday , Singapore Polytechnic and Ngee Ann Polytechnic .
Singapore was kinda crowded and the place look really cramped ... that was only the main buliding ... but still ...
i didnt really get to look around SP but suddenly when i step in , it felt like I should not go here .
our original plan , my sister , her friend , my best friend and I was to only visit Singapore Poly .
but when my mum called and ask if we were interested in visiting Ngee Ann Poly , we decided to go .

and so we did .
Ngee Ann seems more interesting to be honest .
I manage to talk to some lecturers and students there about the courses too .
moreover , they have more courses than SP .
so i have shortlisted the courses i wanna take and im going to pin up a motivational list and letter to myself to study hard to get into the courses i want .
on the way home in my dad's car was kinda funny ...
all of us cramped inside and my youngest sister ( who thought she had religious classes yesterday but found out it starts next week ) had to sit on my second youngest sister .
it was funny .
we were all cramped and writing short messages to one another on our phones so my parents dont feel offended .

anyways , other than that , my best friend ask me this :
there is a F&N contest where dancers must dance in order to win .
not any kind of dance , but a KPOP dance .
and Super Junior is coming to Singapore end of this month .
so the winners get to dance in front of Super Junior during the press conference and meet them upclose .
also , the video of the dance will be shown at their concert end of this month .
however the dance must be dances that Super Junior ever danced on stage .

so she asked me if i wanna join .
however here's the complication , the contest ends next sunday , 16 January .
and we have yet to set a chreography and get it accurately so that our dances looks really accurate .
and we have to find a place to dance .

so wish me luck to win this competition so that i could meet Super Junior in person . ^^

tomorrow is the release of O level results .
ooo ... i hope my batch done well for the results .
wish them the best . ^^

샤이니 ★ SHINee

really really hate this computer now .
eversince the ancient computer that my dad brought home from work crashed last week , ive forced myself to use my mum's tablet pc which she have yet to upgrade the internet explorer and all .
plus , the worse thing ... is that everytime i ask her to upgrade something to a better version so that it will save time and cost, she just ignore me and push me one side literally .
similarly, it also happens that she did the same thing to my phone line which she have cancel it, no matter how many times i have ask her to change it to student plan.
pfft~!

anyways, the school term starts and wtf? many things have change a lot .
except for my classmates that is.
anyways , we change classroom to the 4th floor and its exhausting climbing up the stairs especially after PE today where we took weight and height and also ran a few rounds around the school .
i have to admit my plan to exercise during the holidays was pure failure. and it costs me to gain weight more .
now, i hate looking at my bulging stomach and having fears of not being able to slim down before i graduate , go to prom and to a good polytechnic .
my second youngest sister agree to help , but i dont whether to trust her , because at times , she does have her mood swings which i have to tolerate at times but end up exploding back vulgarities at her.

anyways, back to school .
lessons started yesterday and wow...my brain has started working again.
so does my eyes, they start going droopy once i reach home and find the cold empty floor comfortable to sleep on.
teachers change too ... except for history, science and maths.
gyahh~! history ... i really dont like my history teacher. her voice is like a lullaby.

apart from that, the skirt my mum bought for me was too big , even if i fold it twice at my waist , it still slips . my F&N teacher told me to pin up the side to prevent it from slipping again . i will do it tomorrow when im getting ready for school .

i just realised also that O level Malay paper is just 6 months away . oh god! how how how ?! my malay sucks ... hmm , must really back up now. so does my other subjects .
hehs.

this year is not a year of slacking anymore.
its time for hardwork and less play .
double the effort and double the concentration .
also double the focus and motivation in order to keep to the right track .
some of my other classmates told me to stop the korean and practice my malay .
but the korean culture is what keeping my spirits up and motivated . it gives me something to hope for . ^^

also , my appointment is coming up and all i have been eating is junk food,
gyahh~! how to lose weight and get better like this .
seriously, now i need someone to slap me and confront me to stop this bad habits and make a change.

how i hope my idols could do that . i think it will create a huge impact in my life.

or maybe, in other words, i should just slap myself and confront myself to stop the habits and make a change yeah?

샤이니 ★ SHINee